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Divorce Carnage
"You wake up alone in the bed and stare at the wall and wail and scream and grieve and lay in the bed and stare at the wall. It is over. The end of the line."
A COUPLE OF RECOMMENDATIONS:
PULL YOUR EX BACK (GET YOUR EX BACK). A resource packed with wisdom and strategies that could save your relationship. AND SAVE THE MARRIAGE, EVEN IF ONLY YOU WANT TO. Lee Baucom is a marriage counselor from Kentucky and has some great material! -- Steve (I hope these resources are helpful to you).
Thoughts about Divorce Carnage:
1. It destroys whatever family relationships or commitments there were. They get erased and reformed. See the problem is that there is no template for divorce. You grow up and the normal, ideal goal is to get married and be committed and have a successful long term relationship. Then this thing called divorce happens and whatever emotional life there was gets destroyed. Whatever commitment and spiritual attachments are pulled out by the roots.
2. Divorce creates a horrendous emotional and spiritual wound. Something gets amputated. Unseen but just as real as having your left leg ripped out of your body. You are bleeding and screaming and there is intense emotional pain - long term.
3. It is no wonder that you cannot think, eat, concentrate, work in the immediate aftermath of the carnage. For several months I couldn't sit still. I couldn't read for a very long time. I had no appetite and lost a lot of weight.
4. You are misunderstood. External observers look at you and wonder why you cannot pull yourself together.
5. Divorce is underrated. It is like the death of the closest person to you. Such as it was. Whatever hell there is in the marriage; however bad it was, upon awakening alone you realize that at some point there was and to a large extent there still is some gut connection emanating out of the spiritual void.
6. Divorce creates catastrophic loss in the financial world. Forget all about the support and alimony for a moment. The fact is that whatever comingling of funds there were in the marriage it is now split. You have to divide the income to restart your own separate life as well as the extra to support the kids. You are financially crippled out of the starting gate.
7. Two are better than one. This is true. A house divided cannot stand. Not only are you attempting to survive emotionally; to redefine life, to regain some kind of sanity while at the same time supporting yourself with very little to no emotional support.
How To Win When Facing Divorce
8. The kids are the primary recipients of the division. The kids in their young lives are forever scarred. Resilient though they are this pain will reemerge in later years as unpredictable outcomes. May the grace and love of God help them in ways we cannot.
9. You are in emotional free fall. Down a pit, grasping for something to hold onto. A substance, a woman, sex, things, you can't possibly be alone, this can't be happening.
10. You wake up alone in the bed and stare at the wall and wail and scream and grieve and lay in the bed and stare at the wall. It is over. The end of the line. But your brain can't process that. It's too much to take.
11. I believe that divorce introduces a new very real state of existence that was previously unknown. This is called "The Ex". We have things called "Friends","Enemies", "Family", "Loved Ones", "Children", "Acquaintances", "Business Associates", "Strangers". You understand what I mean. But after divorce there is a new category that exists. How do you define "The Ex"?
Is he or she your friend? No. Does he or she have your best interests in mind? No. Are you strangers? No. After sharing the most intimate of promises and life experience together the opposite occurs. What category is the Ex? If they are not your friend, not a stranger, no longer a loved one then what are they? Your enemy? The Ex is something new. Previously undefined.
Questions. Redefinition. What are your thoughts on the matter?
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