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Combating Verbal Diarrhea - A Constant Stream of Sick People
"People will take whatever you give them. Your time, your attention, your emotional resources and they will take it all. I've simply gotten to the point to where I am not interested in another person's long sad life story."
The more centered, calm, quiet, and at peace I become the more I somehow attract people who are in an internally chaotic state of existence. I'm describing these individuals who have a massive need to talk constantly. I don't understand what it is with people. They open their mouths and verbalize every single thing going through their heads.
I try to be gracious and kind towards people and listen but over time I've had to develop some very strong protective boundaries to unconscious verbal diarrhea. These people are essentially self-centered and completely unconscious others. Perhaps they didn't get enough affirmation or attention as a child. I have to guard my time because I work and get paid for focusing. People are time wasters.
Time vampires. People will take whatever you give them. Your time, your attention, your emotional resources and they will take it all. I've simply gotten to the point to where I am not interested in another person's long sad life story. There are therapists who get paid to listen. There are pastors and ministers. There are sponsors in support groups who will listen. I'm surrounded by sick people and the healthier I become the more I realize that I cannot allow myself to just accept whatever internal verbal sludge comes out of someone's mouth.
There is a circle of friends and family with whom this does not apply. Certain persons, like children, or a significant other, I will open my heart to and completely listen. This is called family and relationship. What I'm talking about are miscellaneous roommates, neighbors, persons on the airplane, business associates and especially customers.
Lessons:
1. I cannot change anyone. People are who people are. I have healthy boundaries and tune out unhealthy people.
2. Person A has deep emotional deficiencies and need for attention and affirmation. Person A goes through life full of agendas and projects for changing Person B. Person A wants to change person B because they are too unconscious or uncomfortable with doing their own self-examination. Person A has expectations about what they think Person B should be doing. Person A develops resentments when those expectations are not met. Person A feels rejected. Person A moves on to person C. This cycle continues through life.
3. My presence for the last couple of years in where I am living, has served to strengthen the serenity of my internal world through developing strong protections via the process of having to deal with a constant stream of sick people. Over time I develop a thick skin and just tell them that I don't have time to listen to their story. I don't care and don't come around anymore.
4. There is a lot of poison and sludge people want to dump on whoever will listen. I've found this to be particularly true of unhealthy women. Women like to talk about their emotional lives anyway and I cannot tell you how many female work associates I've encountered who are completely comfortable to share with me the intimate details of their problems, emotional lives and troubled relationships.
5. I have my own stuff I'm dealing with and I've learned that I cannot be an open door for whatever negativity that comes along.
6. My very strength and peace is what attracts these people. I'm a calm serene island they find to beach their ship in the chaotic waters of their internal world.
7. May God Help Us All.
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